poems #4

9 water bottles

i wonder if
i’ll fall asleep now
or in three hours

nick is gonna
be upset
tomorrow
when i tell him
i didn’t eat today

i think he wants
me to get big
and strong
from the gym
because he has spent
his whole life
being around people
who are weaker
than him

he’ll ask me
why
and i’ll tell him
instead of trying to be
tough, strong like
i spent all night
crying

i don’t like doing cardio
but i also don’t like
running from my
feelings anymore
i just want
to lift myself
out of this