poems #3

i tried really hard

when i was seven
and i went to that one school
for those who are seven and

i was overly conscious
of how to get attention
from the other kids, so

i would tell lies
i would fake cry
i would try hard

really hard

then over the summer,
i was at another school
for eight year olds

things were different
things were happening at home
things stopped mattering as much

i think i cared more about
the issues
that didn’t actually exist
more than the ones
that make me cry
today

after i finished rebelling against this life
and i got to know
what it was like
to want everyone to go away
and i got to be
alone

i realize that the
first person
i want to reconnect with
is
myself