robby #4

Twice a year, I fulfill a promise made to myself to revise the Spotify(unpaid sponsorship) playlist containing my favorite songs of all time, in order. As of today, this list is undergoing its 5th amendment, the first official ranking dating back to mid-2017(although the first unofficial playlist came before then, robby at the time thought it to be of nothing serious). The rules are simple, I use my deteriorating cognitive skills to determine which musical records are of significant relevance throughout my entire life, letting personal love be a more essential implication than perceived quality. The rules are complicated, I use my deteriorating cognitive skills to put myself in the shoes I wore in the eighth grade. Unfortunately, the ending of this tradition’s second year has revealed to me the urgency of this problem, it’s really fucking hard for twenty year old me to confidently assume what sixteen year old me thinks of, well, anything. In my mind, the clear top 50 suspects are relatively close to each other, the difference in how much I love song number 15 is barely above song number 40. It’s a straightforward process introducing even 100 songs that are deserving, but deliberating the trivial details that ultimately separate these songs from each other is agonizingly arduous. It’s not practical to go off of the notion of arranging the list by an estimated number of listens, and neither am I trustworthy enough to believe how I judge past versions of my own brain. A dilemma indeed.

June 14th, 2018

Top 61 Songs

The meaningfulness of this reoccurring demanding endeavor lies within the idea of documenting a process of evolution, not to mention the completion of a challenge is rewarding itself. The issue mentioned earlier of how I can’t, with certainty, make claims on behalf of a previous me, at some point becomes obsolete as this mission continues. I’m hoping that in five years, I can ask myself what I thought about my favorite songs five years ago, and actually obtain an answer more accurate than just memory, by opening a music streaming service. Of course, the quest of actually figuring out my most beloved records, singles & deep cuts alike, deserves my attention & active curiosity. The gratification I imagine resulting from this enterprise, could be from bringing me closer to these songs & strengthening dozens of already existing intimate relationships that I’ve built through listening, or at least I hope so. Worthwhile to mention, there might be personality traits that attribute to my attraction to this idea, such as how my thought processes work and how an activity like ranking my favorite songs satisfies my urges, but that goes a little deeper into topics I would not like to talk about.

November 15th, 2018

Top 76 Songs

A silver lining I discovered last night while conversating with a young harlot is although in this fifth installment I have about 60 new songs lined up for limited spots, I seem to be more involved with defining my individual infatuation with each of these songs; I truly forgot a lot of reasons of why I like what I like, and I guess talking to August opened my eyes a bit. The beauty of this procedure is a feeling I have to hate. Hate that I ever ignored these details in the first place, but love witnessing myself correct these mistakes I’ve made in the earlier playlists, being in a position to tell myself I was wrong, knowing there’s an infinite amount of changes to be made in the future. Keep listening & maybe you’ll recognize a thought you’ve never had before, even if it’s something you’ve heard thousands of times over.